my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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