Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
