Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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