She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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