I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
