don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
