So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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