there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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