I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
