trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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