he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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