I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
