My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
