That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
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i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
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I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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