making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I wish you could order shots online.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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