i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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