Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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