Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
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she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
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I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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