I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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