just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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