My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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