We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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