This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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