It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Randomize
