The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
where does the pee come out of this thing
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
