I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
