I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
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Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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