dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
