I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
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I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
honey bunches of taint.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
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I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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