i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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