The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
