do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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