please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
