Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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