So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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