I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
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I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
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Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize