it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
