i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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