your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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