She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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