I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
