can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
