some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
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I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
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Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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