Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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