Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You ruined the universe
Randomize
