so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
