im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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