Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
