why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
