my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
