Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
