Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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