it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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