i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
