why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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