After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I can't turn off my feet"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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