I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
They took my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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