His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
i drank out of a bidet.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"