that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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