I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
