on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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