there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything