does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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