it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
These 23 People Are Living Shocking Lies
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The 17 Absolute Worst Divorces Imaginable
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.