So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.