some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing