I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
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stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
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Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.