so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
