My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i've created a new STD.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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