made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
